Malik and Ryou pairing fluffy crap
by Kawaii Kuroi Mahotsukai
Summary: Hello, gratuitous fluffyness! Be warned, this thing has monster doses of fluffy shounen ai and two insane muses. And Malik's a pottymouth. Pairings: Malik/Ryou, Y. Malik/Bakura, Yami/Yugi


Note- Malik Ishtar is Malik, his yami is Y. Malik, Ryou Bakura is Ryou, Yami Bakura is Bakura, Yugi Mutou is Yugi, and Yami Yugi is just Yami. Major shounen-ai warning. Malik/Ryou, implied Y. Malik/Bakura and Yami/Yugi. Character death? Maybe. Humorous, romantic FLUFF! *giggles and runs away*  
Disclaimer:  
*A Summoned Skull and a Blue Eyes White Dragon, my belovéd muses, stalk onto a stage*  
Destroyer (Summoned Skull): Ryuujin, may I ask HOW she roped us into this?  
Ryuujin (Blue-Eyes White Dragon): She threatened to tear up our cards, remember?  
Destroyer: Oh... right.  
Ryuujin: *facefault*  
Will you two just do the disclaimer already?  
Ryuujin: *sticks her tongue out childishly* Oh, fine.  
Destroyer: Ahem. "Zaheera AKA Z-chan AKA the braided baka AKA Electra AKA our summoner does not own the copyrights to Yu-Gi-Oh. If you sue her, all you'll get is a handful of cards, a gameboy and some old Beanie Babies." HEY! You're not going to give us away, are you?!  
No, no, I'm not.  
Ryuujin: Good.  
Destroyer: Just get on with the fic, already.  
Okieday! ^_^  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
*Normal POV*  
"Aww, come on Malik! Please? One of us at least has to be there!" "Ryou, if it's such a big deal, then why doesn't Yami just go?" Malik asked, bemused. Ryou laughed. "Yugi has the flu, remember? You know how he is. And you know what is probably going to happen at some point." "Oh. Yeah. I pity poor Yugi's grandfather..." Malik sweatdropped. "Anyhow, what about Jounouchi?" "He's spending the day with Seto, Shizuka and Mokuba. At the carnival." "Anzu?" "Puh-lease! She can't duel worth a dead Kuribo. And Dad's off on a dig." "What about..." "Our yamis? You know they've been in the bedroom for the past four days, right?" Malik facefaulted. "Never should have bought them that flavored lube... All right, we'll go." Ryou squealed, glomped his friend enthusiastically, then ran off to get ready, leaving one blushing blond bishounen to stare after him. 

Next morning...  
"Ryou! Get your butt down here now!" Malik bellowed. A window slid up and a tousled white head popped out. "Malik?" A sleepy, british accented voice called. Malik nodded. "You said to pick you up at nine, but I figured getting here a little early couldn't hurt." The white head vanished as it's owner facefaulted. "A little early? A little? It's seven-fifteen in the morning! I wasn't going to get up for another fifteen minutes!" "Good. That gives you fifteen minutes to get ready. Dress warmly, it's pretty chilly down here and my motorcycle doesn't have a heater." Ryou muttered something and pulled his head back in. Ten minutes later, he was downstairs and on the back of Malik's motorcycle, roaring towards downtown Tokyo. Unfortunately, they had to cross a bridge to get there, and the bridge was covered in ice. Malik ignored Ryou's warning to slow down, revving his bike up a bit. They hit a patch of ice, the bike skidded out of control and slammed into the guardrail, sending Ryou flying over the side. Malik leapt after him with a cry. "RYOU!" 

*Malik's POV*  
I hit the water with a splash and dove deep, searching for Ryou... the damn fool swims like a rock. /Damnit... where'd he GO?/ I shot to the surface, took a quick breath and dove again, deeper this time. /SHIT! I'm freezing my fucking ass off here! Where the fuck is he... OW!/ I rubbed my head and snarled mentally. /Stupid fucking rock.../ Then I paused and took a closer look at the object I had banged my head on. /Wait a second... rocks don't wear sneakers... or blue jeans... or sweaters... Ryou!/ I grabbed the idiot kid and swam like hell for the surface. Never have I been so thankful for air. "Ryou, you idiot..." I muttered, holding his head above water as I swam through the slush to land. Finally my feet touched bottom and I dragged the white-haired idiot ashore, ranting softly in Arabic the entire time. "You need to lose some weight." I grumbled softly as I set him down. 

I shook Ryou. No response. Damn it, I just saved his life, can't he at least acknowledge me? "Ryou? Wake up, you idiot." Still nothing. I growled "You asked for it..." and kissed him. No reaction, nothing! Now I wasn't only pissed off, I was worried. "Ryou? Are you in there? Hello?" I shook him again, then held one hand over his face to see if he was breathing. He wasn't. "Shimatta(1)." I stated matter-of-factly, then knelt down and placed two fingers against the side of his neck to feel for a pulse. Nothing. "Damnit, Ryou!" I cursed softly, then pressed my lips to his and forced a breath into his lungs, snarling. "I nearly froze my ass off dragging you out of there, there is no way you're going to die on me now!" I shifted over a bit, ripped his shirt open and pounded on his chest. "Breathe, you little bastard! Breathe!" Surprisingly enough, he did. 

"Gods damn it, it's freezing out here!" I hissed to myself, shivering violently. I glared down at Ryou. "This is all your fault! You and your stupid tournament..." "HELLO! Can you hear me down there?" I jumped and looked around frantically. "WHAT THE FUCK?!" The person leaning over the edge of the bridge yelled something over her shoulder and then turned back to me. "Are you alright down there? Do you want a ride?" "Yes! Yes, that would be very nice!" "Alrighty then!" 

I found myself sitting in a silver SUV (complete with emerald green leather upholstery- THE SEPHMOBILE!), with Ryou lying next to me, his head in my lap. "What the...?" The three girls in the vehicle turned and grinned wolfishly at me. The one who was driving had a long brown braid and actually looked a bit like that Duo guy from that Gumdum Wing thingy Ryou adores, the one sitting next to her had shorter hair and a 2-by-4 lying across her lap, and the one sitting behind me had mid-back length brown hair, a wicked little smirk, green eyes and a tranquiliser gun. I winced. "Fangirls?" Three nods answered my question. "Fuck." "MALIK! Children might be reading this! Now I have to up the rating to PG-13!" The driver pulled out a laptop and began typing furiously. I sweatdropped. 

Just then, the one with the tranquiliser gun giggled and spoke. "Oh, by the way. I'm Darth, the braided one is Z and the one with the 2-by-4 is Cutie. We're on a bishounen hunt!" I sweatdropped again. "Uhm... Ryou has hypothermia... can we please get to the hospital now?" Z blinked. "Forgot all about that. Sure!" The laptop vanished and she put the SUV in gear. "Now how do I drive this thing..." she muttered, before shrugging and stomping on the gas. "Hey, this isn't so hard! It's just like those racing games!" "You mean the ones you always crash and burn at?" "Yeah, them!" I moaned and clung to Ryou for all I was worth, when I heard a loud crashing noise. "Stupid motorcycle..." Cutie mumbled. I screeched. "YOU RAN OVER MY MOTORCYCLE?!" "Would you rather Ryou died?" Z shot back, grinning wickedly. I abruptly shut up and held my peace until we reached the hospital. Of course, as soon as we got there... "SAYONARA, SUCKERS!" I threw open the door, grabbed Ryou and ran like the hounds of hell were after me. Who knows, maybe they were. 

*Normal POV*  
"Not hounds! KITTIES! E-S-P! E-S-P!" Malik Ishtar dashed into the Emergency Room, followed by the cackling of three looney fangirls and cradling a limp, shivering bundle in his arms. "Hsst, Ryou, wake up." He muttered anxiously, shaking the smaller boy gently as a nurse separated them, placing Ryou on a stretcher and whisking him away into the ER. Another nurse handed Malik a form to fill out for Ryou, since the latter was incapacitated. "Let's see... Name, Ryou Bakura... Age, hmm, eighteen, I think... Sex? Yeah, I'd like some of that... Gah, male! Blood type... does it really matter? A positive, I think." He handed the clipboard back to the nurse and sighed. "Hope they're out of the bedroom..." Off he went to inform Ryou's friends. 

Five frantic phone calls later, a small group of anxious teenagers (plus three five-thousand-year-old yamis) was assembled in the waiting room. Malik was near hysteria. "What's taking so damn long?! Is he alright?! They could at least tell us, the bastards!" Malik was about to make a run for the ER, but his yami held him back, while Bakura smacked him over the head with a heavy object until he passed out. 

When he woke, he was lying in a bed and wearing a paper hospital gown. /Note to self: Kick Bakura's scrawny ass./ he thought, then froze as he saw Ryou lying in a bed just across the room. /Alternate note to self: Hug Bakura until he suffocates./ Malik scrambled to his feet and dashed over to the smaller boy, wincing as he saw the various tubes and machines hooked up to him. /That can't be comfortable.../ he thought. "Ryou? Can you hear me?" He murmured, shaking tears out of his eyes and sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Listen, Ryou... I'm sorry. I should have been more careful... This is my fault... Gomen nasai(3), Ryou-kun." He sighed, leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on the smaller boy's forehead. 

*Ryou's POV*  
/Ugh... my head is killing me.../ Was my first waking thought. Then: /Why am I so cold and why does my chest feel like it's going to explode?/ And finally, as memory kicked in: /Oh./ And then I opened my eyes... and was struck by a sobbing, blond, Egyptian projectile by the name of Malik Ishtar. /He glomped me?/ That was... unexpected... to say the least. Then I felt a warm dampness on my chest. Malik? Crying? "Malik-kun? Daijobu ka(2)?" He let go and looked at me, his violet eyes bloodshot. "I'm fine, Ryou... but I was worried about you." I grinned. "Well, I'm fine. Nothing to worry about." Then I made a muffled choking noise and let myself fall back against the pillow, closing my eyes and holding my breath. Just as I expected, Malik yelped, then leaned forward to see if I was breathing. As soon as he got within range, I struck, grabbing him by the shoulders and kissing him, hard. He jumped, then got into it, kissing me back even more forcefully. I don't know exactly how it happened, but somehow I ended up nestled in his arms, purring. (Cue the fangirls: AWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!) 

And then, of course, my yami had to pipe up and ruin the moment. 'It worked, I see.' "What worked?" I thought aloud. "Mmm?" This wise comment from Malik. I sighed. "My yami said something about something working, and I'm a bit confused about it..." Malik blinked, then twitched. "Excuse me for a minute." He said, then he gently set me back down on the bed, walked over to a table and bashed the Millennium Rod against it until his Yami appeared. "What the fuck is it?" Malik grabbed the other in a stranglehold. "You and that fucking tomb robber PLANNED all this?!" Y. Malik cocked his head, thinking, then grinned brightly. "Yep! We were sick of you and Ryou hiding what you obviously felt, so we took the initiative and rigged this up." Malik snarled and slammed his yami against a wall. "Ryou could have died, you stupid bastard!" Y. Malik sweatdropped. "Yeah, you took a different route than we expected. Not our fault." 

Malik twitched. "Says you. We're just damn lucky that-" A fangirl with a braid appeared, grinning wickedly. "That the authoress decided to intervene?" Malik glared at her and she made a face at him. "Just shut up and kiss Ryou again so I can finish the dumb fic. This thing is huge." Malik shot her a look and she pouted, managing to look almost as cute as Yugi or I could. "Please?" Malik grinned wickedly. "You asked for it..." He dropped his dark side unceremoniously, stalked over, grabbed me gently by the shoulders and crushed our lips together. I started purring and the authoress grinned. "Perfect! Now, just say you love him..." Malik pulled away and got the almighty evil look on his face, before flipping the authoress off and kissing me again. "Works for me!" She chuckled, then vanished. Malik pulled away after a minute. "Oh, yeah, Ryou?" "Hmm?" "I love you."   
  
~End   
  
*looks up* Damn, that thing is a monster.  
Destroyer: *nods* But you finished it at last!  
Ryuujin: THANK YOU GOD!  
Ryou: *pouts* You didn't write a lemon.  
Malik: Yeah! I wanted to get some action!  
You want a lemon? Write it yourselves. I can't write lemons. They never turn out right.   
Malik: *grumbles* Fine! *scoops Ryou up and goes off to have sex*  
*facefaults* Let's just cut to the authoress' notes...  
Ryuujin: Right.  
~AUTHORESS' NOTES!~  
1: Means "Damn it"  
2: I'm unsure if I spelled this correctly, but it's supposed to mean "Are you alright?" in Japanese. I think.  
3: Means "I'm sorry."  
4: I made Malik trilingual, alright? O.o;  
5: That's all. Feel free to flame me, I need a good laugh. 


End file.
